Have you ever started dating someone, begin to have feelings for them and then find that they still have not forgotten their ex? Some things in the dating world more annoying than "Ex-factor". If someone is not more than their former, no matter how hot, sexy, intelligent and sweet you are, it does not matter, because they are not in a position to appreciate the moment. They live in the past. You are competing with someone they have a history with, who know they are far better than you do and who they share many memories with.
How do you know if someone is not more than their ex? Two main directions if they are always referred to someone else, if not clearly no reason for it or if they refuse to discuss the ex. So what can you do? Practice what I call: "Losing them to keep them" move. You sit down and say: I love you and enjoy being with you, but do not look as if you are over your ex. That's not fair to either one of us and I can not continue to see you in a situation like this. I do not want to be in a rebound relationship. I think you need to go and do whatever you need, in order to find out what you want. This may surprise them and they might even refuse still to the former, but do not fall for it. No matter how much they beg and plead, stand with your statement. If they ask if you would be dating someone else, the answer is, "Yes!".
Do not worry that if they come back with their ex that will end forever with you. I've started dating someone who had just come out of a relationship. When the former was found out, he suddenly wants him back. He saw the two of us for a while, though he thought he had broken it off with me. One night he had to leave to go pick him up. I'm not happy about it and say so. The answer is, Too bad. I broke up with him that night. They were together for one more year but in the meantime he kept in touch with me. When he was caught cheating, he soon dropped out and ran back to me. I took my time bringing it back and from that moment I always had the upper hand in what turned out to be a five-year relationship. Finally he asked me to marry him but I refused. I truly believe that if I did not break up with him and had not prepared him to see me on the side, the relationship will end for good in a short time and he would not return.
The former is the ex for a reason, something that clearly does not work. More often than not, if they come back together, eventually they will fall into the same pattern and before you know it, they will start having problems again. You need to give them a chance to see that this will not work, so they can stop the idealization of the relationship in their minds. Probably will happen sooner rather than later if you are not around to distract them. When they finally have closure, they will be able to move and give their full attention.
With more than 20 years of experience in market relations, Lucia has dated men of all nations in the six cities, four countries and two continents. Practical know-how he made her a perfect candidate for a relationship out advice - after all, in almost every dating dilemma she has been there, done that and lived to tell about it.
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